Christmas and 2009

This year has been helluva speedy dashing. At the start of 2008, I was still crazily hysterical over the fact that I finally had a picture taken together with Rui En for the bloody first god-damn time. So much so that I went to develop that picture and framed it up. (It's next to my bed now!) February came, dealt with semestral exam and had school vacation all the way till March-April. Got myself a job, and that was when I start to fall in love with somebody. Sweet tingling sensation every time we met, going on dates and all. Just when we were moving up the notch, progressing a little more further, he went on this vacation trip. Came back, and that's how it all ended. Got myself so heartbroken, picked up some bad social habits. However, it still wasn't keeping me occupied from thinking about him. My heart was still empty. Joined TrackandField as CCA in school, thinking it will make myself feel better. August soon approached and September was when I had my 3-weeks long Europe vacation trip. Really looked forward to it, had been counting down to it every single day. For some reasons, he was still some where etched in my memory when I was in Europe. Returned backed, decided to stop TrackandField. The social habits increased even more, I knew clearly that I was ruining myself. All I wanted was to numb myself from everything - family, the guy, school and all of sorts. November arrived, and it was back to school. New semester, new modules. Took an oath to self that that plunging GPA must be saved. (Not sure if it is still holding on for now.) The 18th birthday cum World Aids' Day finally rolled in. Felt lots of love (serious genuine love I swear!) by everybody. In the past, I used to think that birthdays was really a damn big deal. You get to request for extravagant presents, you are the centre of attraction. This year however, I chose not to hold any parties or chalets. I was tired, and bored by it. By then I really hated him. Had deleted almost all of his text messages and removed our pictures away from all of my belongings. I was ready to move on; I didn't want to let go earlier back on. I told myself not to let history repeat itself again, and never to be like him. Trying to move on by going on with another person when your heart was never seriously in it. One thing however, because of him, I never saw Love the same way again. Then along came this Straits Times article on Rui En. About her revealing all that she's been through. I was inspired, am truly touched too. And I'm still dealing with my social habits. In retrospect, I hope for 2009 to be a year where I will know what I am doing. Not to be blinded, but to guard this very heart of mine.

Xabryna's New Year's Resolution - Tranquility.


P/s: Hello Santa, if you're really real, all I want for Christmas is a Canon EOS 450. Thank you.